Saturday, October 9, 2010


It's Saturday evening, and Jacob and I are hanging out in the trauma unit of the ER. It reminds me of how quickly things can still change in our house despite Jacob having done really well lately. Jacob seized for 2 hours straight tonight despite rescue meds at home and in the ambulance. Two hours is a really long time when you're watching your kid seizing, always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind if this could be the time when we won't be able to break the seizures as we experienced last year (11 days in status epilepticus).
So, I am now taking some deaper breaths, since I know we're on the other side, out of seizure land for this time. Calmer when I can see Jacob resting (but definitely no sign of sleeping), realizing that I'm hungry after having had my lunch 8 hours ago. Thinking that I should get some dinner from the cafeteria, but realizing that I used up all my cash this morning for a hutch for our dining room. Realizing that Jacob and I were out walking this morning in the sun and wind, ending our walk at a friend's garage sale. Thinking that my birthday facial I fit in this afternoon feels really far away, even if my skin feels soft.
Our guy in the ambulance asked if I was from Sweden. He said that it doesn't go a day that he doesn't think about Jacob and us, since he made his biggest medical error with Jacob almost two years ago. I had forgotten about it, but as he told me that tonight, I remember clearly how Jacob was giving a hefty dose of morphin instead of valium one time in the ambulance. It was just right after the holidays in 2009. I am sure I have a CB journal entry written about it. I told him to let that mistake go, since Jacob and I had let it go long time ago. I could see a relief in his face, and I am truly hoping that this will now leave his mind. He looked so thankful when he left the ER after making sure we were in good hands.
I do think we're going home. I do think the excitement is gone for tonight. I do think that Jacob will sleep in his own bed with his own blue Seizure Monster that keeps the seizures away. We might be going into Sunday, but I do think we'll end up in our own beds.
Love, Maria.

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