Thursday, June 18, 2009

As I Watch You Sleeping

As I watch you sleeping,
my problems seem so small.
The rewards you have to offer me,
are so big and so tall.
As I watch you sleeping,
I realize just how great your accomplishments are.
I know how much you struggle
to have made it this far.
As I watch you sleeping,
I can't imagine how my life would be without you.
Even through the hard times
I'd be lost without you.
As I watch you sleeping,
I see just how much you have brought into my life.
All the joys and happiness,
all the wonder and excitement.
As I watch you sleeping,
I am overcome with such love.
Your sweetness and happiness,
are something I can't get enough of.
As I watch you sleeping,
I think just how lucky I am.
To be the mother of such
a beautiful little boy.
As I watch you sleeping,
all of my worries seem to melt away.
I know that no matter what happens,
together we can make it through another day.

I came across this tonight as I was browsing Internet. I thought it was very true as I have been holding Jacob's hand for the last 2 hours trying to get him to finally fall asleep. Since 5 pm tonight, Jacob has been seizing and been very agitated. We think the breathing tube is giving him trouble, and he simply couldn't settle down between pain and seizures. He finally fell asleep, and it was like a sigh of relief went through both his body and mind.
I have a tiny, tiny hope that Jacob is doing a bit better, but I know things can change within seconds. They have had him off the ventilator for 1-2 hours at a time starting this afternoon, and he has been able to breathe on his own. If things continue to go in this direction, the tube should get out within one to two days. They are mostly concerned about his secretions, and how he will be able to take care of them without a vent.
It's hard to wean him off the sedation and seizure medications he is on in addition to his regular medications. He hasn't been seizing for 2 days, but tonight he has been seizing for hours again. The breathing tube is also truly irritating him.
My dad arrived tonight. It was a long travel day for him, but he got to meet with both Jacob and Sarah. Sarah is sleeping in her own bed for the first time since Sunday night, and that will be good for her - despite her very much enjoying her sleepovers with Alex!
So, no word when we will get out of here, but I start to at least think that we might be able to leave the ICU eventually and be transitioned to a regular hospital room. The ICU is not a fun place to be. One child died overnight, and I have seen so many crying parents and relatives in the hallways. It's just not the place to be.
Tonight, I am hoping to simply watch Jacob sleeping without seizures or pain.
Good night, Maria.
P.S. Never thought Facebook would be so popular amongst nurses - even in the ICU!

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