MOTHER'S DAY WITH A TERMINALLY ILL CHILD

You would almost think that it is not Mother's Day any longer, but Mother's week or month. There is no way to escape this Hallmark holiday. I turn on the radio in the car and a Mother's Day commercial comes on, my e-mail is spammed with suggested Mother's Day gifts, and my Facebook feed has been full of Mother's Day spam and articles. Due to my circle of friends, I have read more articles on the subject of being a special needs mom or having your child in heaven in the last week. The one article I have yet to read is to celebrate Mother's Day with a terminally ill child. My reality.

My Mother's Day is far from the world of Hallmark cards. There are still big diapers with following laundry, vest treatments with deep suctioning, and medications to give, despite media telling me my day should be filled with brunch, mimosas and spa treatments. When you have a child who needs medical care every hour of the day it doesn't matter if it's a holiday or a Monday. The stuff still needs to get done.

And this is the secret - my Mother's Day is far better than any Hallmark card. It is a very special day because I got one more Mother's Day together with both my children. When you know that your child could pass any time when hit by an illness, seizure or simply pass in his sleep, you do cherish Mother's Day in your own special way. It is a day full of deep raw gratitude. The only thing that matters is to sit and hold your child and tell him how much you love him. The day is a celebration of yet another year together. When Jacob was younger it was more of a desperate prayer that this wouldn't be my last Mother's Day with my two children. I remember sitting in a restaurant surrounded by families celebrating their moms. Joakim and Sarah had gone to get us some chocolate dipped strawberries. I had a moment with Jacob in my lap, and I only wished that we could do this again in 12 months time as my eyes teared up.

Coming up our 10th Mother's Day together, I will once again sit with my Jacob and just enjoy our day together. There is a certain gratitude when there are no guarantees if this is our last Mother's day together or not. We can hope and pray for many more to come, but reality is that we don't know. THAT is the essence of Mother's Day in our home. Simply enjoying the day with the kids and being happy to get a chance to do yet another vest treatment and another load of dirty laundry. And yes, I do get spoiled by my girl and husband, who have secretly been working together on something today.

So this is to all of you moms out there who might not have a Hallmark holiday tomorrow. Maybe your kids will be screaming, maybe your husband is not giving you a break, maybe you are separated from your kids, maybe your kids are in heaven or the dream for a baby never happened. No matter what your circumstances are - Have a very Happy Mother's Day whatever that means to you.

Love, Maria.