Tuesday, December 29, 2009


You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music that saves you
When you're not sure you'll survive
You've gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far to fall off the earth
The current will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a title wave begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of the sun
Choking on saltwater
I'm not giving in
I swim
You've gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers
Your sisters and brothers
And friends
You've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a title wave begging to tear down the dawn....
You've gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting
And wait for the spark
You've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I simply love this song by Jack's Mannequin and their album The Glass Passenger.
If you want to listen to the song, you can go to: http://vodpod.com/watch/2543664-the-daily-show-jacks-mannequin-swim
It hits really close to home these days as it feels like we have to try to swim so hard despite the currents dragging us away from our love.
Jacob stayed home for 9 days. I don't know if any number of days would have been great. We feel so blessed to have had Christmas together. It sort of became perfect in light of Jacob's illness. We were able to enjoy each moment, and simply be together.
Tonight, Jacob is going on day 120 at Children's hospital for 2009. He went into respiratory shock around noon today, and looked pretty bad as we hit the ER. He needed IV fluids, and CPAP to help with his obstructive breathing. It was quickly decided that he would go to the PICU for further observation. Having spent so much time at the hospital, we know everything too well. We know that this is not the worst Jacob has looked. We know that the watching factors are his respiratory status and blood pressure. He most likely has a respiratory virus this time.
When I was in the ICU today, I did feel the extra energy we had been able to suck up during the week at home. But it didn't take away the pain to tell Sarah once again that her brother is in the ICU, and have her kiss him over skype rather than in his bed.
We're going into 2010 at the hospital with Jacob. I am not sure what our hopes and dreams are for next year. Time together is probably the most realistic wish at this time.
Much love, Maria.

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