My friend Praksha wrote me a note that she was so happy that I had now been a stay-at-home mom vs. a stay-at-the hospital mom for a few weeks. It lasted 22 days this time. Not bad for Jacob's standards.
We took Jacob in yesterday just to make sure nothing was brewing, and found out that Jacob has pneumonia – this time on the right side. We don’t know, if the last round of antibiotics didn’t kill all the bacteria or if we’re dealing with a new pneumonia. He’s back at Children’s as of last night, this time on IV antibiotics. I think he looks pretty good considering him being sick, and hoping this will be a shorter stay.
Being a stay-at-home mom most days, I do appreciate routine. It’s good despite me starting to sweat the small stuff from time to time. Something I typically stay away from when we’re in the hospital. What is great is that I am not constantly torned between Sarah and Jacob. I have time to talk to my husband at night. I seem to be able to balance my kids with a bit of work, friends, exercise, and grocery shopping! No extravaganza, but the important stuff gets done. I will probably never be a latte mom. That’s ok, even if I wouldn’t mind having a latte with a friend in the middle of the day once in a blue moon. What I love the most is when I can simply laugh out loud with Jacob as we get done after bath when he has a good day, and I don’t have to worry about his skin color or breathing as we get dressed.
I guess I also have to recognize that I am a well-versed stay-at-hospital mom. I put on my sweat pants, on a good day jeans. I make sure I wear a decent PJ, since I am sleeping with an audience. I sit, and sit, and sit. I sit with Jacob on my lap, I sit with the lap top on my lap, I sit and sleep, I sit and watch TV, I sit and eat, I sit and read, I sit and think. I look forward to my meals as good breaks to stretch my legs. I look forward to get my next cup of coffee or tea to leave the room for a minute. I sometimes venture down in the big hall downstairs for a coffee or lunch, browsing through the gift shop (always know when the new seasonal stuff is in) or library or simply take a seat and watch people pass me by, wondering how their lives are.
I might be sad, I might be worried, I might be counting the days until Jacob gets home. It all depends on the day Jacob has. I might have a good day. Jacob might be getting better. A friend is visiting, I get to spend time with Joakim or Sarah, I have a good chat with the nurse or one of Jacob’s doctors. I have something really nice happening to me despite an illness hanging over our family. I am also amazed how fast the time passes here despite all that sitting around. Before I know it, the evening rolls in once again.
What I love is that I don’t have to balance Jacob with the day-to-day stuff at home. I have someone here suctioning him, bathing him, feeding him, giving him his meds. I can simply sit with Jacob on my lap enjoying a movie, a book, or just cuddling. That’s a true treat. What I don’t like is when I say bye to Sarah at school, knowing that I won’t see her for two days on the nights when I sleep here.
I guess by the end of the day we’re all moms independently of the prefix we decide to put in front of “mom”. Some of us work, some don’t. Some drink latte, some don’t. Some of us play at home, some of us in the hospital. As long as we cherish our moments with our kids, it’s pretty darn good to be a mom!
Happy Monday! - Maria.