I was wondering why I was in a funk today. I felt the tears burning right under the eyelids every time I sat in the car and a song came on. I saw your beautiful face and was thinking what we would be doing right now as my eyes landed on the snow covered mountains. I decided to check my email from work one last time tonight, and there it was. A message from a dear colleague and friend reminding me it is the 19th today, and that she is always thinking of me, but especially on the 19th. It's four months today since you took your last breathe.
I wanted to let you know that there have been lots of laughter and joy in the house in the past week. Sarah finally got her birthday present. She got her Max. Max is a 5 years old shih tzu. He has the sweetest of souls, loves to cuddle and is never far from Sarah's side. We know Max didn't have an easy life before he stole our hearts. The shelter thinks he was stray. He will need some training, patience, and love to fully trust again. He is pretty determined when he sets his mind to it, and loves to run and play. He is not happy about the Halloween decorations taking over the neighborhood yards, and he can't for his life understand why the printer makes noise.
Your sister is carrying around a big smile on her face as she talks about Max. She loves talking about all the funny things he does, and how he just never leaves her side. She is for the first time since you passed away ok to go to bed before us, as long as Max comes with her. She watches TV by herself as long as Max is next to her. She is setting her alarm a little earlier in the mornings, so she has time to walk and feed him. Max has filled a little of the void you made the day you left your sister.
You know, your dad and I were truly the best team Jacob there was. The way we partnered around you was pretty amazing. Together, we always were able to figure out what you needed and what we needed to do. I didn't realize how much I missed the daily text messages: "How is j?" or "Did j poop?" "Did j take a nap?" This is how we communicated all day long when we were not both by your side. The texting has started again. "How is Max?" "Did Max poop?" "How are Max's eyes (he just had eye surgery)?" They are little love messages throughout the day. As always it is your dad who figures out how to best get everything Max needs and how to best discipline him.
So as hard as it is on the evening of October 19th, marking four months without you, Max embraces all that love we carry around. Our house is now full of dog toys and someone waiting right at the door full of joy when we get home. Someone who wants to walk around the lake when I can't take you in your stroller any longer. Someone who wants to sleep next to your sister. Someone we all can rally behind. Someone who simply wants to be,
Sweet Jacob, I love you to the moon and back,