Wednesday, February 1, 2017


I have visited more with you lately. I have shown you the beauty of the colors of sunrises, sunsets, and the shifting colors of the sky and the ever changing shapes of the clouds. I make sure you look up at the sky to watch the stars before it's time to go to bed. I am here. Right here.

I loved the birthday celebration you all made for me. I know you felt bad you didn't put on a celebration, but look what my school did? It was simply perfect. It was just what I wanted. My principal, my teachers, my paras, and my friends all came together. I love my bench. It is the same blue as the Coyote Ridge school blue. You know I told Mrs. Pries exactly where I wanted the bench to be, right under that big tree. She followed my lead. I had asked her to make sure my favorite song "Happy" was played over and over again. I was so happy all the children of the school got to be part of my party. Did you see that all my classmates from last year had a blue balloon? They knew me the best. The principal said the right things. Mom, thanks for speaking as well. I could hear your voice crack. I know it wasn't easy, but as always, you came through for me. Two of my favorite teachers always looked out for me, so of course they had to send off the balloons to me. So fitting! I can still hear the kids shouting "Happy Birthday Jacob!"

Did you see that I wasn't ready to let the balloons from dad and you come to me just yet? I had to have them sit in the tree for a little longer. When the kids went back to class, I decided to have them travel up in the sky.

Mom, I know I turned your world upside down the day I was born. I know you were worried sick about me so many times. I know how much you continue to love me. I know how we fueled each other's strengths. I know how you found an inner strength, an inner purpose, to always fight for me. You always did what was best for me. I know I made you so happy. I love that you were never afraid to share me with the world, and I shared my beautiful world with you. I know you miss that so very much. I know you miss me. I know it hurts you so much. I know you're grateful for every day we had together, and I know you wanted more. I can't boss you around on my talker anymore, but I will continue to live in your heart as long as you will have me. I'll stay there forever.

Mom, my birthday was hard for Sarah. Thanks for giving her the space she needed. We always had our special bond, and we will always have that. I will always be here when she is ready. Give her space. Trust her feelings. And know that I will always keep an extra close eye out for her. She was after all my favorite person in the whole wide world. The one and only sis. The one who played with me, who bugged me, who showered me in love, and who totally got me. We never fought. We just got each other. Just remember that special gift of sibling love that filled your heart so many times, and got you to forget about all trivial things in this world. I will never ever leave her side. She will know how to find me.

Mom, dad did ok too. He doesn't like big crowds, but he did ok. He was happy to be at my school. He didn't get to see my school life as much as you did. He got to hear the stories, but I think he was pretty impressed with how many friends I made. He thought it was a pretty perfect way to celebrate his own son. Your dad and I have our silent conversations. He doesn't always see the signs I send him, but I always have a special place in his heart. He's my dad after all.

You know I told you in full force during your gym class on Saturday that it was my turn to write you back. I am happy you decided to let me take over for a change. You knew it was my turn.

Mom, I love you to the moon and back.

Love, Jacob.

No comments:

Post a Comment