Sunday, May 14, 2017


First Mother’s Day without you, and you never left my mind for a second all day long. As I woke up, I thought about you. Your dad and sister were still sleeping, so I got my first cup of coffee and settled in your room. As I looked down on your glass table, I realized some of your Mothers gifts were spread out in the table drawer. I hadn’t taken a closer look lately, and it was a nice surprise to cherish your messages and cards you worked so hard to prepare each year. I went around looking at your pictures and also rearranged your book shelf a little. It was bittersweet as this day truly made me realize how much I have lost. I have lost you, my boy.

Leading up to Mother’s Day, I had told myself to not have high expectations of this day. To simply see where the day would take me, and stay off social media as much as possible. Your dad and sister of course went all the way out to make my day special. You know them. They took me to my favorite brunch place downtown, Sarah even agreed to take some pictures with me (you know how rare that is J), and we walked around downtown. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday, probably the nicest Mother’s Day weather we have had in a long time. They then sent me off to the spa for some relaxation and alone time. It was the Mother’s Day I never had, since I always wanted to stay close to you, to home. Today, it was the right thing to do. Mix it up from what I have done in the last ten years with you.

On my way home, I went to your school. I sat down on your bench right under that big tree. Someone had put a medal on your plaque. I was wondering if it was from the fun run this spring? It reminded me how I took you in your large stroller last year around and around your school so you could finish your run with your friends. I especially remember using all my strength to get you up the hill at the same time as I was trying to keep the stroller as still as I could due to your broken leg! I am glad I didn’t know last year it would be your last fun run, and instead your memorial bench would be next to the trail this year. Your school teacher sent me a note about you as I was sitting on the bench. I also felt your soul in that big tree shadowing your bench today. Thanks for visiting with me.

I ended the day with the people who love you the most, your dad and sister. They made a very special dinner, and look what Sarah made me? I cried, but it was happy tears.

Mother’s Day will never be the same without you in it, but I have a beautiful daughter who needs me, challenges me, and makes life so worth living. I will continue to cherish your memory, your wisdom for life, and the strength you have given me.

Sweet Jacob, I love you to the moon and back,


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