Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Jacob got the best birthday gift this year. As we were Skyping with his friends Selina and Leandra in Switzerland, we found out they were going to come and visit him this summer! Jacob never cared about anything material, but he did care about his two Swiss friends deeply. We decided that the best would be for them all to move in for a few days, since Jacob would have an easier time to hang out with the girls in his own home. What I would do to be able to write that beautiful story tonight.

As things happened, Jacob passed away about ten days before his friends came to town. Selina wrote the most beautiful letter to Jacob as she found out he passed. Pastor Gregg shared her letter with everyone at Jacob's memorial service. This weekend, she gave me the letter in person. How I will cherish that letter for the rest of my life. It's a priceless gift from a beautiful soul who came in to our lives because of Jacob.

Selina had told her mom that she thought it was going to be a little weird to come and stay at Jacob's house when Jacob wasn't going to be here any longer. I had actually been thinking the same. The little guy would be greatly missed as our two families got together for the weekend.

But what a beautiful weekend it was for all of us. Sarah loved spending as much time as she possibly could with Selina and Leandra. Those two girls stole her heart long time ago. The pool was always our favorite hangout place together, so we did spend hours at the pool this time as well. It was the perfect transition from beach to home for her. Joakim got to share his whiskey with Andre as we all shared crazy travel stories throughout the evenings. And I got to talk about Jacob. Our kids shared so many good years together, and it was so healing to my heart to remember all those times together with Nadia. I just couldn't stop talking about him, and she just listened and chimed in. The best kind of friend.

Since they all missed Jacob's memorial service and Celebration of Life, I wanted to do something together with them in memory of Jacob. I knew I wanted to spread some of Jacob's ashes at the top of Flagstaff Mountain, and what better way than sharing the moment with close friends. I have a love hate relationship with Flagstaff Mountain. I have had times when I hardly made it to the top, but the beauty and the satisfaction of greeting the mail boxes at the top of Flagstaff always keep me coming back. I have also gained clarity in decisions I had to make for Jacob as I pedaled up that steep hill. Things I just couldn't wrap my head around suddenly seemed clear after a good hour of climbing. It was my escape many times.

It was a beautiful morning in Boulder. The sky was blue, the sun was out, but it wasn't too warm yet. Three biking friends decided to ride up Flagstaff with me. Gemma, who hasn't been on a bike for three years, decided to conquer the mountain with us. Only sweet Jacob was able to get her up that hill. Having been on sea level and only a few training rides under my belt this year, it was a tough ride for me too. Jacob as so many other times got me up that mountain. I had his name running in my head the whole way up.

We then met up at Flagstaff Amphitheater for coffee and breakfast. Food tastes so good after a hard, sweaty ride. We all took in the beautiful morning as we wrote our messages to Jacob on the balloons we were sending off to him. We then spread Jacob's ashes over the lookout of the Amphitheater. We all took a moment to remember Jacob and found the perfect spots for spreading his ashes. We now all have a place to come back to and remember our boy. If you ever have your ways to Boulder, pass Chautauqua park and simply continue on Baseline road all the way up to Flagstaff Amphitheater. I will meet you up there any time!

I'm ending this post with some of my favorite pics of Jacob and Selina, just because they were so darn cute together!

One month without our boy today. There are no words for how much we love and miss him. The one thing I know is that we wouldn't have survived this first month without the enormous outpouring of love, kindness, and support.

With sincere gratitude,


  1. It's terrific at any time to have your friends move in and live with you.

    How wonderful it must have been to have Jacob in their lives for the last time.

    Selina's letter was so moving.

    And I feel for Gemma + the bike!

  2. How I continue to love reading your posts!! I wish they were still about Jacob, alive here on earth but it is comforting to hear how your family is dealing with your grief and all the beautiful tributes and friends who were so blessed by having known Jacib!! How he touched the lives of so many people - those who met him and those who read about him in through your blogs. Keeping your family in my prayers. Peace and Love to you all!

    1. Thank you, Linda. I so wish they were about Jacob too. We miss him immensely. I will keep writing. It's good for my soul. Love, Maria.