Friday, November 22, 2019


Sweet Jacob,

It's happening. I am tackling my bucket list. I am turning your blog into a book. It is something I wanted to do in my life time, and I am doing it. I am focusing on the year after we lost you. The year when I realized that grief and love are the same thing. They are inseparable and will always be. Grief would not be hard, if it weren't for the fact that my body aches for you. My arms feek empty without you in them. My lips want to kiss your nose one more time. I miss our life together, and even more I miss my purpose to be your mom.

I am still searching for that larger purpose in life you gave me. I will write about it, and take your readers on a journey on how it is to get through life by missing a body part. That is how it feels to not wake up with you any longer. Life was simpler in many ways. As I am reading what I wrote, I sometimes catch myself with tears in my eyes. It brings back raw feelings.

I was nervous to get back the first round of edits from your editor. I felt as if I were back in school being graded. It is just a touch more personal this time. It is our story, our life together.

I believe it will take me into the spring to fully have this project completed, but it is happening.

Stay tuned.


I love you to the moon and back,


1 comment:

  1. That's great Maria! So glad you decided to go ahead with this. And yes, grief and love feel like the same thing.